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HUMOUR
Who Would Have Gassed?
The stinky side of being a flight attendant
When I first became a flight attendant — cough, 24 years ago — nobody ever warned me about the amount of flatulence I’d be engulfed in on a regular basis. Even though trapped gas is such a common ailment associated with flying, this frequent farting phenomenon, known as HAFE — high-altitude flatus expulsion, — is still regarded as a revolting and offensive act. When on the plane for many hours, air gets trapped and accumulates in the stomach causing it to swell like a balloon. Passing gas — aka breaking wind, farting, tooting, letting one rip, cutting the cheese — is the only solution.
Even though it is a common and natural occurrence, I still prefer passengers and crew refrain from “crop dusting.” In flight attendant lingo, this is the act of walking down the aisle of a passenger plane while simultaneously and indiscreetly passing wind. This performance would ideally start from the opposite end of where you’d be working or seated.
Instead of sharing this gaseous gift throughout the cabin, perhaps seek out the privacy of a lavatory and spare your fellow air travellers. I was engulfed by a fellow passenger’s eau-de-stank aroma when I had the pleasure of sitting behind him on a ten hour flight once. Every hour on the hour he’d release his stink…
